The little things I’ve been up to

1. Worrying about having lyme disease: after running 2 days ago I developed a big bump which expanded and turned into a red blotch. It looks semi bullseyeish but might just be me being paranoid. I told my parents and was thinking I should get a blood test and ELISA done but if it’s a false positive…which is relatively common in the lyme disease ELISA, they would do joint fluid test and a lumbar puncture which sound absolutely horrible and painful. I haven’t gone into the forest recently, and the blotch is in an area that I would have easily been able to see if there was a giant engorged tick. However, according to some study a minute percent of mosquitos can carry it too..which is very frightening. It doesn’t itch like a mosquito bite, and it’s not painful either….I don’t have a fever but I have some funny feelings in my joints which might also be imagined. I don’t want to wait until I get brain inflammation and they are hiding out in my extracellular matrix T_T…Anyway its causing me a lot of stress =-=”… scarrrryy

Our printed OspA model! Loop 3 didn’t come out so good contrast wise..but besides that it looks cool. It would be ironic if I got lyme disease now..after studying it..imaging the downregulation of OspA and upregulation of OspC which binds to salp15 in tick saliva or w.e it was…and wishing I had gotten that OspA LymeRix vaccine…

2.Working on Open Canvas:ehhh o__o taking forever…the stairs are weirdish and I dunno what I would put in the background.

3. Watching Bob’s Burgers: hmmm not a hilarious show, I don’t like it as much as home movies, but! its still pretty good, its kinda got a heartwarming aspect to it, and I usually get a couple of good jokes out of it per episode.

4. Playing Morrowind:I made an argonian (I’m a lizard human, I chose this because it looked the coolest..) spellsword with an atronach birthsign (which actually was a horrible choice because I can’t regain my mana by resting and magic attacks seem more useful for now)…haha…I don’t really know what I’m doing…there are so many options and stuff…but I made it to level 2! (really cheaply, I fought some assassins who followed me through their cave to the door, but didn’t continue out the door..so I fought them..left the map and regained health by sleeping on their doorstep..and fought them again. They also healed but I gained skill and eventually killed them after I did that like 15 times or w.e)

5. Looking at the GRE and thinking about grad school:hmmmmmmmmmmm bah. Doesn’t look toooo bad…still kinda dunno the format…should study more…the mean scores to get into Duke Marine Lab PhD program was around 670 english (kinda low) and like oO 750 or something I forgot math (not tooo bad). Mean gpa was like 3.7 or 3.8. (also not as bad as I thought). Still dunno good places to go oO…

6. Monkey Bars:I’ve been training on the monkey bars…a couple of weeks ago I could only go about 4 bars before dropping and having my shoulders be extremely sore for a few seconds. Now I can go I dunno 8 bars (sounds puny now that I’m writing about it) and with less pain!

urhajos:

Bank Robbery Bear (by fatheed)

Fear and a Fieldtrip

Sometimes I have dreams where I’m swimming in the sea. One time I dived into the ocean and saw dark blue manta rays with shimmering golden spots gracefully gliding in the depths. I remember the wholesome feeling of wonder as I gazed at them. At another time I dreamed about breathing underwater, before I actually did it in real life, and it was a surprisingly similar sensation in both experiences. That was weird because I usually only dream about sensations I have felt before, and I also felt hesitation at breathing while in water in the dream.

Recently I had a dream about snorkeling in a coral reef which was fun. But what makes these dreams so enjoyable is the ability to just fly around under water, relax and admire the creatures. In real life it is too stressful. You would have to worry about those stingrays stinging you, jellyfish in the coral reef stinging you, running out of oxygen, nitrogen bubbles forming in your blood, air pockets in your teeth expanding as you surface, your lungs exploding if you forget to keep breathing as you go up, keeping track of where you are, etc. These are things you can’t even always prevent, things out of control that could happen if you were unlucky. Besides that you feel the touch and coolness of water, the almost suffocating tightness of swimsuit, disorientation, the movements of your limbs, and a troubling lack of dexterity. It is very visceral and exhilarating but also stressful, and even though I want to challenge myself, it is an exhausting process to go out of the comfort zone.

I wish I started when I was young and I didn’t imagine hundreds of dangerous scenarios. As I have grown older I have gotten smarter and more scared of everything. When I was 13 I would have readily with no question hopped into a rainforest or gone scuba diving. Now before going I have to consider the politics of the area, and healthcare available near this forest, the leeches, stinging insects, poisonous snakes, navigation, possible infections I could get…I think I would still go to the rainforest or scuba diving in remote locations if given the chance now. Adventurers of the past risked their lives for the things they found, and if something bad happened it was worth it to try to experience interesting things. But I’m not a daredevil, I don’t think I enjoy scaring myself, it might just be something that I value because of the media. Maybe that’s fine, to just live a relaxing life…but something also drives me to reject that idea, not only do I have to experience many things, I have to create something worthwhile. I don’t want fear to limit me, and I don’t want to lose sight of what I dreamed about when I was younger. But I have to do more then…somehow… The kind of lifestyle I idealized as a kid was one where you and your partner traveled the world and did good deeds. Dunno whats gonna happen right now, maybe I’ll just become a scientist, and a professor at some weird school, have kids, and occasionally go to conferences, but it will still be interesting. And once you get attached to people, or responsible for others, you don’t have freedom to do risky things for your own pursuits. I also don’t think I am strong physically or mentally or w.e to go traveling on my own. Anyway, I’ve been trying a new strategy, to leap before you look (into it too much) Dunno how well that’s working so far.

Just so I can read and remember this in the future… today I volunteered to help out with a field trip at the university for middle school kids from Queens. They saw the greenhouse, dental school and dental practice lab, and CEWIT. I remember disliking the stop and go of listening to teachers talk when I was little instead of just letting us go around and look at stuff. I wonder how many of my field trips were like this one, with last minute planning and semi random activities. I noticed how the adults would squeeze in talking time haphazardly. I also felt weird about where to stand, and most of the time I just watched the kids and made sure they were herded into the right place. I’m glad I went to the Murphy and WM, I think I got a really good education there. Overall it was interesting, I’m considering being a “science buddy” for one of them, but maybe I should help out my little brother before I go helping other kids.

:] my childhood…

art by alberto seveso

song: take a little hand by yoko kanno

The thing I realized

only after I hurt you

I was looking for the number of faults in you

when we should have looked at each other

Our days were buried in small lies　

So that we can fight the doubts

Our hearts know the meaning of losing each other

This second winter is standing still

You are lost because you cannot see tomorrow　

Raising your voice you were crying

Without being able to find any words I just caught your tears

Wrapped in loneliness the days soaked both of us

We were repeatedly looking for understanding　

I can feel it deeply once again

It’s no lie when I said that I felt eternity

I will certainly be by your side

I don’t need “I love you” anymore

If only you’d stay forever by my side

I want to be broken by you

Who exhausted your voice by crying

All the words from the beginning to the end were said to you

So that you won’t let go of these arms

The same dream that stood by our side washed us both away

The small lies change their shapes and dissolve into a white breath of air

So that we won’t forget the meaning of losing each other　

It doesn’t matter how many times my heart is stabbed

I leave this “goodbye” right here and move forward

I won’t lose you once again

So that we can assure ourselves of our love we both had to see sorrow

Even if we both end up vanishing tomorrow　

It’s okay to not cry anymore

Someday we will change into two people that pass like the seasons

Even if there will be nights when you will be frozen from sadness

Don’t forget

Nothing will ever end

In a deep dream

I like the fish’s expression and colorfulness. (although it seems her other foot has disappeared.) Seems nice to be able to sit perfectly comfortable underwater and be able to hug and pet your pet fish.

Made by an unknown artist: http://www.zerochan.net/1030630

Lysozyme

Lysozyme is an enzyme found in our, as well as other mammal’s I believe, saliva, tears, sweat, and mucus. It kills gram positive bacteria which contain pepitodglycan by catalyzing the hydrolysis of a glycosidic bond. We purified and crystallized lysozyme in egg white in lab, and made some really pretty crystals, as well as some really weird brown moldy looking stuff.  This is a pretty picture of lysozyme crystals from UCSB:

Ours didn’t have such cool lighting and looked more like:

and also had some different crystal shapes and weird brown blobs.

2nd photo from http://www.uni-leipzig.de/~straeter/practical/datareduction_lysozyme.html

More lysozyme pics from UCSB at:

http://web.chem.ucsb.edu/~kalju/chem112L/public/Crystals_10/TR6_Last/index_3.html